2018 was a hard year for many of us.

for me, the year started off with a bang but then a few hard things happened that sent me spiraling downwards and i spent a lot of time stuck in grief, sadness, depression… hiding away in the darkness. in the end, i just sort of wrote off 2018.

(do you do that too? write off a whole year? or month or week? just throw in the towel and wait to start all over again?)

so then i decided: 2019 is my year.

and again, it started well! but then… again… a very.hard.thing. happened. and so i pressed pause. again. for weeks and weeks i’ve retreated, hid away.

and that makes sense right? because self-care. because honouring self… giving self space and time to be scared and worried and sad and angry. we must.

but a best friend said to me, in the midst of the pain, in a way that only a best friend can: yes, go climb into bed and hide. do whatever you have to do. but just for today ok? don’t stay there. get up again tomorrow. and tomorrow. and tomorrow.

this is an AHA that is taking weeks (dare i say years?) to sink in.

don’t stay there.

what i am realising is that maybe every year will have very.hard.things.

maybe that is the nature of growing up and growing older. maybe that is the nature of life.

but we can’t stop living.

i am going to try to take a page out of my own book and remember the power of and/also.

i can be sad AND scared AND worried AND stuck AND ALSO

…still show up.

…write. teach. serve. lead.

…meditate. move. create. play. explore.

i don’t want to just ‘write off’ life every time very.hard.things. happen… if there is one thing i have been reminded of over the last year of hard things is that life is too fucking short for that. i want to be the kind of person that pauses, breathes, and then keeps marching on. when life knocks me back i want to rise up again and again. this life is for living.

and very.hard.things. happen…

sometimes often. sometimes over and over again. sometimes every month and every year.

but we need to remember…

we can do hard things.

and hard things don’t need to put a stop to everything.

pause, yes, take care… then keep marching, keep rising, keep shining.

ps *they* say to write from your scars not your wounds. i am breaking that rule with this post. i don’t know really know what to do or what to say right now, i just now i need to start somewhere, somehow. i hope that maybe someone else out there might find comfort or companionship here… maybe together we find a way to keep rising.

when life gets very hard