on being SELFish

i recently sent out a newsletter with permission to be SELFish. in it i stated:

YOU are first and foremost.

your relationship to your SELF must come first. the strength of that is how you do everything that you do, be everything you need to be, take care of everyone and everything in your world… and pour from a bucket that isn’t empty.

imagine what a healthy, strong, empowered, energetic, confident, authentic, ignited YOU can do in the world… for the world… even YOUR own little pocket of the world?

so why is it deemed to be selfish to focus on SELF?

let’s think about that word… selfish.

selfish. self-centred. self-absorbed. self-interested. self-serving.

these words have such negative connotation. and that makes me really sad.

to serve your self, to centre your self, to be interested in your self… to love your self… it’s made out to be a negative thing… an egotistic thing.

and i know this is a real fear that so many women experience – whether it is the quiet voice in their head saying these things, or the louder voices of the people in their lives. i’ve heard it too!

it’s a conundrum.

somehow we are supposed to be:

self-confident. self-motivated. self-responsible. self-directed. self-aware.

and with high:

self-esteem. self-worth. self-compassion. self-belief. self-guidance.

but then if we do focus on self, we fear (or we are told!) we are being selfish…

self-centred, egocentric, egotistic.

i think the key to overcoming this fear or worry is to distinguish between two aspects of self… the ego self and the higher self.

ego self – is all about the here and now; material existence and self preservation. ego wants to keep you safe, small, same.

higher self – is all about evolution and growth, motivation and creation, honouring self and empowering self. higher self wants you to expand!

when you focus on your SELF and share your SELF and build your SELF up from a place of humility, integrity, vulnerability, authenticity, empathy – that is coming from higher self, not ego!

that voice we hear –  “you are being so selfish! you are so egotistic!” – that voice is coming from a place of fear and worry… that voice wants to keep you safe, small, and same. it’s coming from that inner critic (or the outer critics!) but you don’t have to listen.

instead listen to the voice of your higher self. the real you. wise you. your empowered self. your inner self-leader. the voice of your soul.

i think she would say the same as me: permission to be SELFish.