in the little biz world we often talk about the perils of comparison.
i love this quote: don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel
but i think it is actually more complex than that – there are different ways we might compare ourselves to others, which can actually bring up some big stuff for us.
which is why the advice that most people offer doesn’t always help. we know logically that it doesn’t do us any good to compare ourselves. we know that we need to focus on our own path. but the feelings that come up just don’t magically disappear.
so i’m going to share some little tricks that have been helping me, and i hope they help you too.
1. we see that someone else is doing the same thing and think “why bother” or “i’ve missed my chance”
most people say: hey, there are no new ideas. put your spin on it and make it your own.
but try seeing this as a sign that you are on the right track. as soon as you start working on your thing the universe says “yes, yes! see, this is important. people need it. they need what you are doing.” it’s just a little clue that you are on to something… keep going! (and yes, go put your spin on it)
2. we see someone else’s success and we feel jealous “why can’t that be me? when will that ever be me?”
most people say: there is room for all of us. you are successful too, in your own way.
but try seeing this as proof that it can be done… another little message from the universe! try to change your energy around it and feel excitement for them knowing it’s your turn next – send a message right back to the universe “this is so awesome! i am ready for this too!”
3. we see what someone else is doing and feel frantic “i’m not doing that! i’m not doing it right!”
most people say: relax! you’re doing fine!
but try saying “who says” every time you get that feeling. who says you have to do that? you don’t know their background, their strengths, their reasons. but you know yours: work to your strengths and zone of genius.
4. we see what someone else is doing and we feel like we will never measure up. “no one will care. i’m just not good enough.”
most people say: put your blinders on. don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.
but try writing out a big list of i am statements about why people do care, why you are good enough, why what you do matters. it’s really hard to just ignore what everyone else is doing but if you can see what they do AND value what you do it will feel much better.
5. we see what someone else is doing and it just doesn’t jive with what we want to do. “maybe their way is the best way but i just can’t stand it. does that mean i will fail?”
most people will say: there’s room for all of us. put your blinders on. focus on your path.
but try changing your energy around this and saying “that’s great for you! nothing but love for you sister!” (and really mean it.) let go of the yucky dislike we have for certain things in our niche or in biz and instead appreciate the gifts that others have or the fact that their way works for them just as yours works for you.
6. we see successful, happy, ultra- cool biz owners rocking it online and feel left out, or like we are on the outside looking in. “i’m never going to get that kind of attention. no one loves me like that.”
most people say: just put yourself out there!
but try picturing that ultra-cool, amazing person farting. seriously. everybody farts. it is a reminder that we are ALL just people. a soul on a human journey. we all have fears and worries and struggles. we all started somewhere. we all are just wanting to share our magic with the world. just as you see someone as being super cool, someone views you that way too. and you are still you – a regular girl who farts. so are they.
7. we see what someone else has said or done and it really gets to us: we feel judged or rejected or hurt or annoyed.
most people say: it’s not you, it’s them. haters gonna hate.
but try holding up a mirror. yes their comment or action was likely about them, not you, but your reaction IS about you. what is reflected back in that mirror – what fear or worry or belief has this brought up. if you can figure that out, you can get over feeling so annoyed much more quickly!
all of these situations fit into the category of comparing ourselves to others, and they all really result in the same thing.
it happens to all of us. and it can happen any time – you can be swimming along just fine and then wham – one little interaction leaves you feeling down.
so what this is really about is acknowledging the feelings that have surfaced and then taking some simple steps to rise above.